everyone wants to build a hospital these days

Adventist Healthcare has asked me to decide whether or not they should build a hospital in Clarksburg, Maryland. But it’s not that simple. If I like the hospital idea, they would then have to ask a hospital committee if it was ok. There’s a matter of financing. The soil has to perk. Then they’d have to see if there was a Dunkin Donuts near the site.

And the dreaded Holy Cross Hospital (operated by Trinity Health) wants to build a hospital too. I’ll advise the Adventist people to learn from Holy Cross’ mistakes. Whatever they do, come up with some really cool reasons why WE would want to have a new medical facility.

Apparently, Holy Cross did not. This bring me to my…

Worst 10 Reasons for Building a Hospital


Montgomery College's ubiquitous globe being moved to make way for Holy Cross' planned hospital.

10. Mike Knapp likes the idea.

9. We’ve planned some nice private rooms so our hospital doesn’t give you an infection.

8. We can teach nurses onsite. Cute nurses.

7. This hospital will cost $267 million dollars, have 93 beds and 5 floors, and sit on 23 acres. These are all lucky numbers for us. And no 13th floor.

6. Beats another Burger King.

5. We already filed a letter of intent.

4. We want to serve the upcounty, and they need us.

3. We see old people. Old people with money.

2. We’re going to open community clinics for the poor. You should be grateful and let us build a little hospital that will get bigger.

1. But Montgomery College doesn’t have a medical school. So what?

My vote is in.

I’m faxing a letter to Adventist right now. Or maybe just an email. It will contain three words. Tora Tora Tora!!!

That’s Japanese for Build Build Build!!!


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